Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
