When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
