it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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