just come out here and I will go home with you...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
