i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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