Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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