im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
