is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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