And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
