She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
