these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
