i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
