I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
