If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
