i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
