dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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