wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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