someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
