I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
