So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
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Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.