it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He better not be in your backpack
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm getting married