So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.