Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
