dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
