ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
