we made out on top of his cat.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
