I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
