I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
