I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
