hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
