this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
