True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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