rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm getting married
To pizza
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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