Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
try to milk me bitch
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