How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
