Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
