New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Let's get the cat blown out
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
