I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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