I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
