Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
