i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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