i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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