I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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