yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
