new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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