i think my tv is drunk
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
