So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Jerry, you need to find god
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
