i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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