He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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