I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well I just put wine in my tea
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
