She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
