Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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