I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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