i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
