This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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