FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
