The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
