How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
