you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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