Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
