Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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