Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
