I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
