I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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