my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
