I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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