He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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