I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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