so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
