All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
