people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
