even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
