She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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